Today many countries celebrate Valentine’s Day, but the Finns (and the Estonians!) like to do things differently. Rather than reserving 14.2 for romance only, the Finns have decided to recognise love in its many forms, and celebrate friendships instead.
In Finland, grand gestures of love are not traditionally part of the culture and it’s only in recent years that heart shaped chocolate boxes have started filling the supermarket shelves. Even hugs are normally reserved for family only, or those very close to you, and a kiss on a cheek may find a Finn blushing and awkwardly staring at their feet. The word ‘rakkaus’, which means ‘love’ is scarcely used when talking to/about people. You may hear a Finn say ‘I love chocolate’ but a friend or a family member will get (if anything at all): ‘you are important to me’, ‘you’re a good guy’ or (I may be pushing it now) ‘you are loved’. And even this is sometimes only after a couple of drinks. But unless you are talking to a romantic partner, to say ‘I love you’ would be seen as over the top. Love and caring is mostly shown in actions rather than words.
This is not to say that the Finns don’t care.
Loyalty and reliability are deeply ingrained in this society, and breaking your word is frowned upon. Also one of the differences is that niceties, such as “we should go for a drink one day” are not commonly used. Say this to someone in Finland and they may just whisk their diary out there and then, or at least hold you to this, rather than seeing it as a bit of friendly small-talk i.e. “it was nice to see you and we should meet for a drink at some point”
Of course there are exceptions to the rule and I have been told that the younger generation are more tactile and open. But there are certain characteristics and habits that tend to be more prevalent in Finland, and perhaps in other Nordic countries too. Long, cold winters, and small populations tend to keep people more isolated and this has possibly affected the way the people communicate.
When I moved to England, I found the small talk and grand words in English difficult to get accustomed to. However, after having lived here for over 30 years, I can now see the value of a few friendly words by a stranger at the bus stop and that even small talk can be beneficial to people's mental health. It’s just that in Finland, people appreciate the ‘say what you mean and do as you say’ culture more.
In any case, wherever you are, today is for lovers, partners, friends, family, chosen family, pets and yourself. So treat yourself or your loved ones and, lastly:
If a Finn ever tells you (albeit after a few drinks), you’re “a good guy”, know that you were truly loved.
I would like to wish all our friends, family and customers a very happy Friendship Day.
Terry
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